USPS et al.

I'd ordered an item on Etsy last month that was gonna be inbound from Russia. Current political environment and associated memes aside, I'd no reason not to trust them, but understood that COVID and said political issues would come into play with international customs.

Almost exactly four weeks later, the package was out for delivery. I was on the couch, being a lazy bag of ass per protocol, when I decided I'd do some thorough inspection on the insides of my eyelids.

Ended up waking up from my impromptu nap an hour later with a notification on my phone that the package wasn't delivered due to nobody answering the door.

What the fuck.

Nobody rang a doorbell, so the only option was that they hadn't even tried. So I checked the doorbell camera footage, and lo and behold: she had "tried" under the absolute loosest definitions of the term.

Came up to the door, knocked on it a few times, then immediately walked back to her truck.

Left a note in my mailbox that I could pick it up tomorrow or reschedule a delivery.

Didn't want to bother rescheduling a delivery that'd fail again in the same preposterous way, so figured I'd call our servicing office.

First attempt took a few minutes of ringing for them to finally answer and then put me on immediate hold.

Second attempt they picked up immediately, put me on hold immediately, then hung up within seconds.

Third attempt, they finally answered.

"Hi, I'm calling because someone attempted to deliver a package to me and—"


"...And when I checked my doorbell camera, they knocked and immediately went back to their truck. Is there any way that I can either have them attempt redelivery today? Or I can just come by today and pick it up?"

"I'd say you should probably go hunt them down."

And then he hung up.

I've never wanted to light someone on fire as much as I did that stupid piece of crap.

USPS is garbage, and they should feel like garbage.

Amazon needs to just take over as the default shipping provider since apparently, third-party offerings are turning out to be better than their government counterparts.