Got run off the road and the dude was super excited that he'd totaled my car.

...Except I've got GAP insurance and laughed in his face.

Then my alarm went off and I woke up, smugly satisfied.

Scrolling through Mastodon revealed a strange new trend overnight: Christian baby hypotheticals.

Base one was: "You're an atheist, skydiving with a baby. The baby tells you that it won't pull its ripcord unless you convert to Christianity and accept God. What do you do?"

My take? Capture the damn baby. A baby that talks has got to be a goldmine in the advertising realm.