When these conversations with Steve first kicked off earlier this year, I was enjoying them.
He gives me a solid challenge with conversations in that he typically tends to pounce on semantically incorrect things I say, or challenging my world views.
That said.
It's been five months now.
And given that we talk every single morning...
Well...
There's just not enough that you can talk about in the world—or at least, my world—without eventually exhausting the well.
And our conversations go on for a couple hours each morning.
This morning it got so bad my throat kept drying out.
And then I realized I say more words to the guy than I do literally anyone else.
Exhausted now.
In other news, life continues.
Despite best wishes to the contrary.
Was gonna post about this yesterday, but got caught up in a long conversation with Steve and then had actual work to do.
But.
I bitch about them a lot, but figure it's worth repeating.
I despise meetings.
Because of their tendency to meander into socializing. Which wouldn't be so bad if not for the fact that there's still work stuff that needs to be discussed.
But more than the social component of meetings, I dislike them because of trust issues.
Accountability.
When I have meetings now, it's to demo projects to the boss man.
And when boss man has feedback about those demos, I dilligently write them down. Because my memory is shoddy and I know it.
But when I go to execute on those notes, and we get to the next meeting, he brings up feedback about those same points.
"Is that what I said?" he asks.
"Yes," I reply.
"I don't think that's what I said. ...No, that's not what I said."
And I can't disprove that.
Because all I have are my notes.
And when you're taking notes, all you've got is proof that you wrote that down.
But maybe—just... maybe—you wrote it down wrong.
A li'l wrong here.
A li'l wrong there.
And then you're boned.
There's also the fact that I'm a very non-confrontational person.
Which lends itself into a lack of confidence.
And boss man?
Dude is confident.
Which can be a problem when I'm pretty sure he's wrong.
Because even if he is wrong, I gain nothing by proving it.
And then I start worrying that maybe I'm losing my mind.
Taking notes from a different version of reality.
That the notes I'm taking aren't actually being taken by me.
Is it gaslighting, maybe?
manipulate (someone) using psychological methods into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning.
Boss man doesn't strike me as the kind of guy that would intentionally do that.
But.
Trust issues.
Anyway.
I'm done for now.
Contemplating an early departure.
Because, again, I'm exhausted.
And I've got the PTO to burn.
And I'm working on a project for mama bear that I'm far more interested in than... all this.
Meh.
We'll see.