I could never figure it out.
GeneralQuick non sequitur: 33 cars on the road this morning, including a singular not-well-hidden police cruiser.
Last two were weirdly pacing each other the last stretch of Dam Neck and I couldn't figure out why.
Caught up to them at the gate and discovered one of them was a base cop.
Still questions.
Anyway.
Could never figure out why so many people left the military, only to turn right back around and come back to do the same (or similar) shit.
And then I think I finally had my "aha" moment this morning:
They fucked up.
Same as me.
Either they didn't get a degree that mattered in any meaningful way.
Or they had the financial self-control of a child in a toy store, treating the entirety of their earnings as disposable income.
Or both.
Or neither.
My department head friend at last place explained to me that he was bored, and there was an opening, so he took it.
I just had a long weekend, and can honestly tell you: at no point was I ever bored.
Granted, the timing happened to line up with Death Stranding: On the Beach being released, but... per the game logs, I've only put about 20 hours into it.
...Which is just a li'l over 20% of my weekend.
Drunk me also had the funny idea Wednesday night of bidding on a sailboat.
"Ain't no fuckin' way you're winning a sailboat for $120," I told myself.
And I was right.
I won the fucking thing for $101.
A Tartan 30, they allegedly average for around $10,000 - $15,000, so you can imagine my surprise to have gotten it.
So.
Yeah.
A sailboat.
On the note of boats, I'm still working my way through the USS Iowa turret explosion article. It started as a way of proving that I could stick to a longer article, and then turned into genuine anger at the whole event and follow-on investigations.
And also: we lost another one of the bearded dragons.
Phillip hadn't been doing so great for the past couple months.
Pretty much... just seemed to have decided it was his time.
There was a point where it seemed like he was making a rebound, but...
Mandy woke me up absolutely shaking in tears last night.
And I...
I just don't react to death. Not in a long time.
Last time I could remember was my ex-wife's dog that had to be put down. He was so old and he just couldn't... he couldn't keep going. When he tried to lift his leg to do his business, he literally toppled over. Each and every time.
So we took him to the vet and asked for euthanasia.
The vet tech hooked him up to the syringe and began the slow injection.
As she finished, he sneezed one last sneeze and...
He was gone.
Jen and I bawled our eyes out for a good long while at that, and I think that moment broke me.
Because I just... I don't care anymore.
And thinking back on my own family, I've lost just about all the older generation.
I think I've got a single uncle left still alive, but...
They're all gone.
Both grandmas.
Both grandpas.
And of course, most recently my mom.
And I just... it didn't matter.
And then death has a shitty way of making you realize just how fucking entangled money is with everything.
In order to get Phillip cremated, it's going to cost $200.
I know this, because he's obviously not the first one to have the service.
Other solutions are to bury him in the back yard, or—and I hate myself for saying it—chuck him in the garbage.
Before you condemn me for being totally heartless (and I wouldn't blame you if you did), I've obviously got a very cavalier attitude on death.
I actually resonate a great deal with the Klingons from Star Trek in that respect: their belief is that once a Klingon dies, all that's left is a husk.
Do with it what you will.
Similarly, I believe... I know that once my own time on this planet is over... all that's left is a bag of meat and bones.
If I had it my way, once I died, there'd be a period of about a week or so to make absolutely sure I was dead. Once the body started looking and/or smelling gross, load it up into a helicopter, fly it over an area of the woods and just punt it out.
Let the wolves get their fill.
Other animals, too, I suppose.
Burial at sea is the next most realistic thing I could request is burial at sea. It's free, and its someone else's problem.
Cremation is... no.
It's not remotely an option.
There was a point somewhere in my life where I'd heard stories of people being loaded into cremation incinerators and they'd sit up and scream.
And though the internet says that's not a thing...
I don't trust people.
And I'm agnostic.
I've no firm belief in an existence after this one, I'd also read about the 21 grams experiment, where there was a minute but detectable decrease in weight at the time of death.
And again, internet/society argues the validity of this.
But we don't know.
Nobody does.
And I've seen at least one or two movies that broached the idea that your non-corporeal form reflects the final moments of your life.
...And I don't want to feel incineration for eternity.
Yeah...
In less sad news...
Iran says their nuclear enrichment will "never stop".
...Which, given our current administration, isn't a great thing to put out there.
I've made it clear through my life that a lot of who I am now was shaped by the media I've consumed. Not quite to the extremes of the titular Cable Guy, but it's up there.
And there are two recent things that tell me what Iran did isn't going to end well.
Spoilers for God of War Ragnarök and Barry coming up riiiiiight...
Now.
In God of War Ragnarök's final story, Kratos has defeated Odin. Loki goes to support Odin and tells him that he has to stop. Odin says that as long as he lives, he'll never stop. Loki tearfully asks him why he had to say that, and then pulls his soul from his body, storing it in a marble. ...Which is then destroyed by a vengeful Sindri.
In Barry, Barry meets up with a friend after a job gone wrong. His friend, also an ex-Marine, can't reckon with what they just did and says he's going to turn himself in. Barry says that he can't let that happen, and that his friend just needs to keep his mouth shut. Friend keeps on saying he won't until he eventually realizes if he goes to the cops, Barry is gonna shoot him. He starts to back track on what he'd said, but it's too late: Barry blows his brains out after agonizing why his friend had to say that.
So.
Yeah.
Based on media-instilled lessons, I don't foresee what Iran has said working out well.
Hope I'm wrong.
But...
Mm.
Got a week off from another coworker that I've started having... problems with. So that's good. But he left without leaving me a proper passdown as to where we stand with regards to the overarching project he's working on, which means I've gotta talk with the development team to figure it out.
Stellar.
At least it's a short week.
Praise the powers that be for small miracles.
Oh, and I watched that new Netflix documentary on the 2013 "poop cruise" incident.
They called it "infamous", but I honestly didn't even know it was a thing until I saw the documentary.
Maybe it was because I was in Japan and just didn't care about what was happening in the world at large.
But still...
Neat documentary.
Always fun to see just how close we are to the brink of anarchy.
One tiny nudge... can push us all into Lord of the Flies territory.
Man, I gotta re-read that.