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"What fresh hell is this?"

That line was delivered, if I recall, by the amazing Brent Spiner in an episode of Big Bang Theory.

It's far from the only place it's ever been used, but it's the one that sticks out in my mind.

And that's what I was pondering as I sped down the highway into work this morning.

New guy continues to scoot his arrival time to the left by a minute or two each day—sometimes resetting, but mostly not—which forces me to move my arrival time to the left to counter it.

To be clear: I don't have to beat him here.

And I'm not trying to beat him here.

I'm trying to maintain a routine that I've had in play for the better part of a decade now:

  • Show up when nobody (or as few bodies as possible) is around,
  • Break out my small breakfast and consume whilst also catching up on the news, and
  • Contemplate the reason I'm here

I do absolutely appreciate our conversations, because he meshes with me on a lot of my views while challenging some of them, but...

I desperately need that morning buffer time.

Away from people.

Even away from the pups.

So I can gather my thoughts and fortify myself against the onslaught of the coming day.

Also.

Imagine a world...

Where not only do you operate on a virtualized platform emulating technology from a decade ago, but that you're going to have to set settings you'd already set yesterday.

And the day before.

And the day before that.

And then also imagine that there's a chance—however slight—that your entire profile gets blown away and you have to set every single one of those settings all over again.

A simple web search becomes instantly jarring when instead of the calming UI of Google, you're thrown at Bing.

Because fuck you, that's why.

Don't get me wrong.

I'm fully aware that almost every single (if not every single) one of my complaints is first-world in nature.

But the complaints stand because the fixes are simple.

But I don't have the power to implement them.

And some asshole in a box somewhere is being paid way more money than I am to implement these changes that have no bearing on their life because they're using their own bespoke machines.

Circumventing these security measures we're forced into because nAtIoNaL sEcUrItY.

The concept of "rules for thee, but not for me" works.

When we're talking parents and their spawn.

Not for when we're talking about grown fucking adults.

Loosen the noose.

Hang them if they get out of line.

Metaphorically, of course.

Yes... metaphorically.

Jesus I need a long sleep.

Not feeling it.

Just ain't.

Maybe it's the weather.

Maybe it's something else.

But I just don't want to be here today.

Timegating should be illegal.

For the uninitiated/unintuitive types out there, timegating is defined as using time as the deciding factor for when you advance to the next level.

In World of Warcraft (and other games as a service, I'm sure), you have events and quests that are artificially timegated as a means to keep you playing—and thus, paying—longer. Makes sense, but it's shitty.

Various streaming services timegate episodes of their original content. Again, to keep you paying longer. Same as before: it makes sense, but it's shitty.

The Navy uses timegating a lot, as well. Time in grade is a thing that exists to add to the bottlenecks keeping you from that next higher paygrade. Things have changed recently, but when I first entered the service, it was 9/9/6/12/36/36/36/36. Nine months between E-1/2/3, six months between E-3/4, a year between E-4/E-5, and then three years for the final E-6/7/8/9.

You could, of course, bypass some of the Petty Officer requirements via getting an Early Promote (EP) evaluation. But that doesn't necessarily mean you get promoted early; just that you get a chance to take the advancement examinations a year early.

Not an elegant system—and one I think is in desperate need of deep review—but it mostly(ish) works.

Current job has me in a junior role.

Which is fine because I've never actually done it before.

That said, it didn't take long to realize that the job isn't overly difficult.

And a friend of mine brought up the fact that in order to progress to the next level, I'm timegated.

By five years.

Lady, if you're reading this but please take no offense by what I'm about to say next.

The idea of doing this job for the next five years of my life fills me with existential dread.

I'm happy to help.

I love people-pleasing.

Metaphorical tail be waggin' each time I'm a good boi.

But just because "five years of experience" was what the system required years/decades ago doesn't mean it fits now.

Or even that it always fit when it was first conceived as a thing.

Given the apparent work ethic of a lot of people I've worked with in the past and even here in the moment, I can understand why five years of experience may have seemed like a comfortable milestone.

But the people it applies to—or should apply to—are the ones that take forever to produce results. That see a task come in and sit on it or just outright don't even see it for hours.

Produce as fast as you can as often as you can.

If it's not great, refine until it is.

...And then I guess there's also the money savings of a junior slot over a mid/senior slot.

Meh.

MEH I SAY.

Inspections.

I absolutely detest inspections.

Especially within the military/government context.

Because the way it generally works is that you're given so much advance warning that it's coming up, the only way you can fail is if you're incompetent, lazy, or both.

And you have the scoresheet, so you know what changes need to be implemented.

You also know what doesn't work/isn't optimal from the gargantuan list of requirements, so you've sidelined them until now.

So.

You go and make the required changes.

And you annoy a lot of people with your changes.

Because you can't fail this inspection; it'd be bad.

The inspectors come and do their things, give you your passing grade along with some notes on how to fix up the small things they found—because they'll always find something.

And then they leave.

What happens next is how I personally judge you and your team.

Do you stand by the changes and keep them as is going forward to comply with the letter of the law?

...Or do you stand down from red alert because the important folk are gone? Return everything back to your modified baseline?

Because if it's the second one: you suck.

Yeah, we're inconvenienced by the changes, but it'd have been far less annoying if I hadn't had access to these random things beforehand.

It's like flying first class in an airplane: If you've never done it, you can only imagine how much better it is than coach.

But once you've sat in those larger chairs... experienced that better service... going back to the lower class seating isn't remotely tolerable.

Even more infuriating is the fact that the inspectors themselves most likely made their way up the ranks to get where they are.

Which means that at one time they, too, were doing the exact same shit, and they know that it's still happening.

And so all of this is bullshit and it should stop.

Meh.

Not today, ye goddamn siren.

Came around the corner and saw the traffic lights of General Booth Blvd shimmering like giant emeralds.

But despite my distrust of that particular intersection, I was lulled into a false sense of "I can make it".

Came within a couple hundred feet of the light before it decided to stop fucking with me and turn amber.

...Only this time, the amber light was solid for long enough of a time that I could've made it.

Could've... could've made it.

But that's crazy talk.

Anyway.

Another work week comes to an end today, and with it begins a weekend of... welp... I dunno.

Debauchery?

Eh.

Sloth.

I did start a membership to Planet Fitness, so I should prolly start doing that.

But I also want to actually make this the weekend I follow through on my .NET development skills.

And there's also that new 3D printer I got. I do wanna print out a life-size version of my space waifu.

Man.

So many options.

And no reason why I only have to check only a single box.

Hmmmmm...

Yes.

Cheers, y'all.