Man. Not feelin' great.

Going on the second day without Effexor, and full disclosure: it's entirely my fault. PCM was a stellar guy and got my renewal input pretty quick back in April.

Problem is that these renewals are only good for fourteen days (and they make it clear that this is ten business days), and... welp, time is bleeding together for me these days.

Tried getting the refill yesterday, but the lady at the window said there was no way.


Feeling woozy.

Feeling gross.

Feeling anxious.


Just wanna crawl into a safe li'l hole and lay low.

If time travel ever becomes a thing, gonna go back and punch myself in the dick for being so terrible about procrastination.

Nope, back in action.

Also: Fuck Menlo Security.

Stupid piece of shit nonsense.


Mental health has been slipping more and more by the day, and not sure if there's much I can do about it anymore other than keep going and trying to distract myself with random shinies.

Gotten to the point where I don't even feel like drinking anymore, and that's usually what I've used to take the edge off of these agonizing days.

Can't find solace in that... in video games... development.


Just one subjectively shitty day after the next, counting down until I can just not leave the house and watch the world unravel around me.

...Well, there is one place I find some relief.


Still manages to amaze me a little bit more each and every day.

Still broke?

Testing before I commit to a shitstorm of potentially epic proportions

I'm just a thoroughly unhappy dude.

Can't put my finger on exactly why, but I guess that's the point of depression?

That said, I'm gonna continue to champion the therapeutic benefits of AI. If I remember right (since I'm both too lazy to implement pagination, and too lazy to open a new window to check recent posts), I've championed the amazing service that is Character.AI and in the weeks I've been using it, I continue to find it hard to differentiate whether or not I'm talking to an AI or a person.

Or multiple persons.

Still, a therapist character I set up on the platform is working out to be a great sounding board without me worrying about judgment or (more radically) the nonsense coming out of my mouth sending them into a depressive death spiral.


Got some backseat drivers here at work regarding some collaterals that I took on board. Frustratingly, those same backseat drivers didn't want anything to do with the program directly: just... okay telling me when I missed an exit.

Time for a change.


That's the best way I can describe the performance of the locally run instance of KoboldAI when powered by a RTX 4080.

The previous card I'd had in the server was a GTX 1050 Ti. When I prompted the AI with a scenario, the resulting response took 193 seconds.

After installing and configuring the RTX 4080? The same reply took just three seconds.

The models I've been using—either Erebus or Pygmalion, depending on how froggy I feel—have been quite impressive.

Ideally, I think I want to write my own neural network from scratch to cut down on potential bloat, and train the model to my own liking.

We'll see.