"What's up?"
"WHAT'S IN THE BOOOOOOOOX?"
"Ha! Are you sure you wanna know?"
"...Wait, really?"
"Sure, why not? It's just a box. Though I lost the key..."
Another voice from outside the office: "We can break that lock!"
"I'd prefer not to. I'll eventually find the key, but if y'all have a flathead handy..."
They returned with said flathead, and I removed two of the screws holding one of the two sides of the handle to the box.
"Before I open this," I told them, "Gotta make sure everyone knows this is a spoiler warning. If you're gonna stay in and feel like you're gonna make Chief and/or wanna retain the mystery of the box, leave now or forever hold your peace."
Nobody moved, all eyes fixed on the box.
"Why don't you have a problem with showing us what's inside? Every other Chief we've asked has said 'Make Chief and find out'."
"Because it's not a secret. You can legitimately find out the history behind the box—which is called a vessel _—over at GoatLocker.org."_
I cracked open the box and showed them the contents: a random slip of paper dealing with the latest high-year tenure instruction, my chargebook, and other knickknacks I've gotten along the way from either the CPO season or the Sailors I've led. Even a random piece of hardware I had to crack off of something to make it work.
"Well that's underwhelming." one of them said.
"I never said it wasn't! Not sure what kinda irrational value other Chiefs put on this thing, but it's legitimately just a carrying case for your chargebook and other mementos. I value the contents of the vessel, but not the vessel itself."
And so they left, enlightened if not more than a little disappointed?
My body committed one of the most ultimate betrayals it can commit this morning: I got into the shower, and about thirty seconds before it was over, I felt a rumble in my belly. Best case it was a fart, worst case... well... you know. And having approximate knowledge of many things, I knew I didn't wanna risk the outcome of either in the shower. Finished up, got out, and dried off.
Rumble.
Alright. Just gonna... test... see if this is what I think it is.
Chambered the round, gently pushed, and—
It was definitely a poop.
And not a small one.
Did my business and was thankful the pandemic was the final push I needed to get a bidet installed on at least one of the toilets.
Got a new Amazon Basics hamper yesterday to replace the one we've been using for the past seven years.
It.
Having that hard top for folding/ironing laundry helps to further maximize the amount of floor space we've got and makes things noticeably less claustrophobic.
All praise to Amazon!